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How To Break Up With Someone

August 5, 2016

How To Tell Someone You Are Not Interested

Being a good dater doesn’t just mean you open doors for your date, offer to pay, or texting a “Thank you” message at the end of the night. Being a good dater also means letting someone go with dignity and respect. Being a good dater is also breaking things off while remaining friends or making sure that person has no ill feelings toward you because of the way you ended things. Saying goodbye isn’t easy but go with your gut. It’s especially tough saying goodbye to someone when they don’t want things to end and they are really into you. So, how do you end things?  Business-3485-db5d716a756daa3fd5eab005cea7b069-shutterstock_167966477_copy

In the past, you probably stopped replying to his text messages or returning their phone calls. You probably have ignored the emails or maybe even blocked their number. You will do everything you can to avoid having a mature, adult conversation if you wanted to end things. Is this how you want someone to break it off with you? If you want to have good dating Karma, then you should break up with someone the way you want to be treated. No break up is easy. We generally don’t like confrontation. When you break up with someone in a hurtful, dismissive way, that person might carry that frustration into the next relationship.

Can we all agree to work a little harder and be a little bit more mature to end things with someone so it’s respectful, polite, and with respect?

It takes time to find someone who fits perfectly with your life, lifestyle, morals, and goals. Dating is a numbers game and don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. What do you do when you meet someone new and then decide they are not for you? Proceed with caution. This is when you need to be crystal clear that you’re not a match and that you are not interested in pursuing anything romantically. Do it with tact.

Here are some ways that can help you communicate your message loud and clear:

How to End Things After One Date

You are not interested in them after your drinks date. You might have said, ‘Sure, let’s meet up again,” but after you thought about it, you changed your mind. If they call the next day, it’s polite to call them back. The proper dating etiquette is to let them know you are not interested and end it. I shake my head when two people give us feedback that they had a good time and want to see each other again, but then one person changes their mind. That’s okay to change your mind. Just let that person know when they make contact with you for a second date that you are no longer interested. The next time this happens to you, remember to be civil and kind, and to not leave someone wondering if you’re ever going to call back.

You can say something like, “Hi there, I wanted to text/call you back because I think people should treat each other with respect when dating. I wanted to let you know that I don’t think we’re a good fit. I didn’t want to just ignore your calls or texts so I wanted to be honest. I hope you find someone great and it was nice meeting you.” Hopefully, they will be okay with this, at least you told them the trust. If they wonder why, you can tell them the truth. Maybe you didn’t feel a romantic connection, no chemistry, or just a gut feeling you’re not a match.

How to End Things After a Few Dates/Being Intimate/Being Exclusive Business-3485-5b786fba8b73de2981bc5e54fe545260-shutterstock_165441818_copy

You are not interested in them anymore after a few dates or after being in a relationship. Since you have formed a relationship or might have been intimate, you owe it to them to break it off in person. I’m not a big fan of breaking things off over the phone at this point of your relationship. If you can’t bear to face them, you can at least text or call them to say, “We need to talk,” so you will then be forced to talk about this when you see them in person and you don’t chicken out. If you like them enough to sleep together, then you should have the guts to break it off in person. They are going to want to know why and you should give them reasons. You owe it to them to break it off in person and to be nice about it. This conversation might play over and over in their head afterwards so be direct and stick to your guns. Don’t waiver like you are not sure about the break up because they might try to convince you not to end it. Your conversation might go something like this, “This isn’t easy for me to say this and this probably isn’t easy for you to hear, but I think we should stop seeing each other. I have been doing a lot of thinking and we are not a good fit. For example, ……” You need to decide how much you want to reveal; you want to be honest, but not in a cruel way where it hurts their feelings. It’s easier to explain yourself when it’s the truth. It’s tougher to convince the other person why you should break up when your reasons are not the truth or phony. How you choose to end things is a reflection of you. Don’t be hostile, rude, or mean. Treat others how you want to be treated.
Good luck when you need to break it off. You might even want to role-play with a friend so you can practice staying calm and firm in your decision. If they are not the right fit, you will feel like a burden has been lifted once you make the right decision. Here’s to a happier you!

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