Matchmaker, He Won’t Commit to Me, Now What? HELP
I talked to a female member the other day and she said, “Matchmeaker, I’m ready to try to find someone new to date.” “I’m frustrated that this guy I’ve been seeing for seven months won’t commit to me. It seems like everything is going well. We have fun together, have common interests, and have chemistry. The only thing that bugs me is that he says he doesn’t want to commit to me. I know he’s not sleeping with anyone else but he just doesn’t want to put a label on our relationship or make future plans with me. What am I doing wrong? Why won’t he commit to me? I want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but he doesn’t think labels are necessary.”
That can be a yellow flag or a huge red flag, depending on what you want out of the relationship. The bottom line is that he’s just not that into you. We, as experienced matchmaker-cupids, have heard it all. Have you heard the book He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt? He tells it like it is. If your man was into you, he’d want to commit to you so no one else has a chance with you and you won’t be looking for someone else. The fact that he has not ‘labeled’ you ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ is because he is keeping his options open.
Men tell it like it is. He is not going to one day wake up with you and think, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” You have been together long enough for him to realize if you are the person he wants to be with right now. I’m a matchmaker. You should trust me. He does not feel it is necessary to commit to you because he is getting what he wants out of the relationship right now: companionship, someone to sleep with, someone to do things with, or that you are good for now. Your heart is in the relationship, but his heart is not. He has all of your attention so he’s quite comfortable with the status quo. The thing is, are you okay with how things are going? As a matchmaker, I can tell you that you probably are not okay with it. He is clearly telling you he does not want to be in a serious relationship with you. He probably doesn’t want to meet all of your friends or your family. He has told you that. That is too much commitment and he knows that means more to you than it would to him.
He’s a great guy. He’s not a mean-spirited person, but the fact that you are okay with how things are going means he will continue to ride it out for now until someone better comes along. You are not doing yourself or the relationship any favors by letting it go on like this. It’s not going to make your relationship stronger. You have to ask yourself if you even want this relationship for the long haul. As your matchmaker, I’m telling you to move on.
When a guy says he “does not want to be in a relationship,” he means it. You are not going to change him. In fact, he is being honest in telling you how he feels. So he isn’t hooking up with anyone else. That’s great. But do you think it’s time for you to explore your other options? You are not in a committed, exclusive relationship. If he is not committed to you, why are you committed to him?
He will commit to a woman who he feels is going to make him a better person. He will commit to her, because he cannot live without her. He will do everything in his power to win her over when he finds her. As a matchmaker, I tell my clients to seek other options in this case.
So, will he come to his senses and realize that he does not want to let you go? Are you willing to leave the relationship if he does not want to be committed to you? Do you have plans to break up with him after the holidays? If you are even thinking about that, then maybe it’s time to pull the trigger. Do you want to have that conversation with him and make the decision to leave if he does not?
You might get lucky. He might make the decision for you since you are too afraid to do it. He might go out of town for a family emergency and then you two start drifting apart. Your schedules get so busy that things start to fizzle out. This might be his way of slowing disconnecting with you and not worry about the break up talk and just let it be. He is okay not confronting you to break it off. He’d rather you talk to each other less and less and slowly drift off. Who knows, you might come to the conclusion that it’s for the best. You might be okay with that, too.
Bottom line is, if he does not want to commit to you, at least you know now so you don’t waste anymore of your time on a relationship that won’t go anywhere.You can move on and find a guy who appreciates you, worships you, and wants to be with you.
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