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Dating Los Angeles and Distance

August 26, 2015

Dating Los Angeles and the City Can Be A Challenge

Dating and Distance: Where Should Two People Meet?

We all agree that traffic makes dating harder sometimes. Let’s say you live in Pasadena and your date lives on the Westside. Technically, it’s only about 17 miles, but when you date during the week, (because you don’t want to waste a Saturday night in case the date is not good) it can get hairy. The commute each way after 6pm can take an hour or longer. In this scenario, we hope that these two people would be okay meeting in the middle. That’s fair, isn’t it? But what if the woman wants the man to go to her? Should men always go to the women’s side of town for the first couple of dates? What kind of messaging is she sending if she insists on that? Would he always expect her to compromise if she meets him halfway early on in the relationship?

There is Nothing Wrong With Meeting In The Middle

If these were our clients, we would suggest meeting in the middle. As matchmakers, we would set up the date at a place we know the guy would like. For example, we know he likes Italian food. So, we would pick a nice Italian restaurant for them to go to for drinks or dinner. The man pays on the first date. We hope the woman doesn’t mind driving to meet him in the middle. We also hope the woman does not expect him to drive all the way to her, all the time. But, it’s also nice if the guy volunteers to drive out to her, but women shouldn’t expect that. And some guys don’t mind driving to her area. They don’t mind at all. They want to. They want the woman to be comfortable and not have to drive far. That’s great. And ladies, keep in mind, it would be nice that you spend that time to get ready and look amazing when you do meet. That’s not too much to ask. And, you should be on time, if not early. What’s annoying to men is if he drives to your neck of the woods and you’re late and don’t look nicely put together!

It’s a Turnoff When It’s Expected dating los angeles

When a woman expects the man to go to her all the time, it usually does not sit well with him. Maybe the first couple of dates, he can go to her. Then she should at least offer to reciprocate. I know it’s tough to imagine dating a guy in The Valley when you live in Westwood. OMG, that’s so far away! It makes it sound like the women are unreasonable and have unrealistic expectations right off the bat. We get it, she is thinking, “I’m hot commodity, I’m a great catch, I might not enjoy the date, so I want to invest or put little effort into it.” Well, sad to say, there are women cuter than you, that are a better catch than you, etc. who are willing to put the effort in to meeting a great guy. One man said it best, “Unless she has a REALLY good reason for not meeting halfway I would take that as an early sign of selfishness…” But of course, every situation is different. A woman from the South, from the East Coast, or who is type A and wants a guy to take charge might expect the guy to be a gentleman and offer to go to her part of the town. That’s just what they grew up with and that’s all they know. Anything less than that, she is not interested in him and quickly dismisses him as a future partner. Hmmm, what should she do?

Well, you are in LA now, so you have to adjust with different dating mentalities and different type of people in LA. There are different types of men and women in LA, very unlike the men and women in NYC or San Francisco. Some men in LA don’t have real jobs (actors, writers, musicians, freelance anything, promoters, etc.) or women who are slash this, slash that (yoga instructor/personal fitness/PR). Anything more than one slash is a turn off to majority of the men we work with. “Just pick one thing that you’re passionate about and go for it,” said one man in our database. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that every city is different and just because you are accustomed to one thing, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try other things.

There are some women that insists on not dating in their part of town. So, they want to meet in the middle somewhere or away from their city. Sometimes women who grew up in one part of town might know a lot of people there. She doesn’t want to go out on a date near her because she might bump into familiar faces or her parents’ friends. She’d rather drive into the city and meet there. Or, maybe she is newly single after being married for 20+ years and she’s ready to create new memories, not go to the same restaurants her and her ex-husband used to visit.

He Wants to Impress Her

There are men who always want to make a great first impression. If he lives in Orange County and she lives in Santa Monica, he might step it up and be a gentleman and drive to her side of town. He offers, she accepts. She doesn’t discourage him from doing so, because he suggested it. Don’t fight him. Let him do it. He wants to. He suggested it. Say “Thank you for being so considerate.” He would appreciate the positive reinforcement. Just like if she offers to contribute to the check and he refuses, she should let him pay the bill. Don’t fight it. Let him do it. He offered to. Say “Thank You.” One client said it best and this is what he believes, “Meeting halfway and splitting the check are one in the same…..the woman could offer but I would never let her do either! I come to you. I pay the bill. Women just sometimes have to accept a man being a gentleman.” (On a side note, if you want to meet this guy, let me know. He’s in LBC)

It all comes down to communication. Feel out the situation. Find out where she or he is coming from. Do what’s best and convenient sometimes for the sake of meeting a new person. Do what is reasonable. It’s okay to voice your opinion and make suggestions if he doesn’t know where to meet near your place if you end up meeting by your house. Make it easier for him if he’s going to be on your side of the town. Sure, he can go on YELP to find something, too, but since he’s driving all the way to you, help the guy out. Yes, there are so many resources available to him now online, he should be able to find a place on his own. Yes, you are right, but it’s okay to make things easier for him. If you’re meeting in the middle, then he can find the place.

It’s nice when the people we talk to volunteers to drive halfway to meet the date. If you live in an undesirable dating area (Inland Empire or in Downey, no offense to these areas, but it’s true….) where there are not good places to eat or things to do on a date, then you should be okay driving to where there are more fun places to date.

If you don’t want to meet in the middle and just hate driving, then you should date the area that you are comfortable going to. One man said it this way, “I wouldn’t drive that far, if it became a serious relationship, then distance would always be an issue. I personally would limit my dating to someone in my area.” That is fine, too. If you know you don’t want to drive anywhere far, then set your maximum distance to what you are comfortable with. Problem solved. But, the more open you are, the more people you can meet.

What Other Men and Women Had To Say:  dating los angeles

I asked readers last week to submit their comments about this topic. This is what people replied:

“As for driving, I would not impose on a woman to slog through traffic. I would do the difficult driving and meet near her. That said, if it’s an Internet date, women are so flaky and rude, I’m scared to make any investment at all. Totally different with your service because both sides have more accountability with how they behave. There’s no accountability with Internet dating. She can enjoy a $100 dinner, and then block the number, and her message box will have another 100 messages the next day. A woman can have $100 dinners 365 days of the year if she wants to with no consequences to her. Likewise a guy can be exploited with no consequences. Unfortunately, the long-term cost of that is everyone here ends up single and unhappy, although clearly it’s profitable to the restaurant industry.” -Man

“I have no problem with meeting a woman on her side of town. I think it’s our job to do so, as well open and close doors,escort to here car if you do meet somewhere, and especially always pay for dinner. No dutch! And don’t forget the sidewalk rule. Man is always at street side. OK maybe my own silliness.”-Man

“I have friends who feel VERY strongly about this issue. The man should offer to come to you. I, however, do not mind meeting halfway for the first initial meeting, or even his part of town. I feel as long as he has a solid plan, I am OK with it. What I do not like is asking me where i want to go, unless you give me a couple of options. It shows that they put thought and effort into the meeting. That is more important to me than the part of town.” -Woman

“That said, I do love when the offer of coming my way is made. It is very gentlemanly and it makes me feel good and puts him in my mind as a good guy right away. I do not always accept, but the offer is nice. I will say, if he wants a second date and he does not offer to come to me, it is very disappointing. Especially, if I made the effort to meet in the middle or near him the first date.” -Woman

“I’ve always been of the belief that men are only as into you as much as they invest or put effort into you. If they are not willing to drive an hour or two to meet you, what sets you apart from the next Jane Doe he meets tomorrow? I think once you’ve established a dating pattern, perhaps even after just the first date, the girl can go and meet him, but for the first date, the man should be a gentleman and come to you. If he doesn’t want to come all that way, then he’s probably not all that interested to begin with.” -Woman

“I have two girlfriends that do not like when the men do not offer and many times will cancel a date because of it. It makes me laugh a little especially when they also want him to pick the place. I always tell them, he doesn’t know your neighborhood, you can’t have it both ways. They insist they can, haha. The thing is this never stops them from getting a lot of dates so I guess their demands work for them.”-Woman

I ALWAYS drive to the female’s neighborhood. For a few reasons:

1. Chivalry – guys should do it because it is the right thing to do.
2. Safety – maybe she can’t see well at night. And is afraid to share that information before the meeting. Maybe she doesn’t want to seem weak. But some people have a hard time seeing at night.
3. Single mom – she could have kids at home. Maybe she hired a babysitter. The longer she is out the more expensive the babysitter will be. (I offer to pay for babysitting – per advice from older siblings.)
4. Single mom – It’s less stressful for her to be close to her house in case her kids have an urgent need.
5. Gas – it is nice if she does not have to spend more on fuel. Most girls do not like going to the gas station and touching the dirty fuel nozzle.
6. She’s grateful – Most women appreciate it when the guy drives to her neighborhood. They know the guy wants to be chivalrous – and they usually appreciate the generous action.
7. Happiness is in the giving – What a great chance for a guy to be a generous person. Even if there is no love connection – the guy has a wonderful chance to be thoughtful and kind to another person-Man

“Women always claim and want equality, but when it comes to doing some of the things that men do, we complain. I am seriously looking for someone, and my goal is for us to meet each other in person and get a feel of what he is like. Even if that includes meeting half way or driving up to his area. I have done it a couple of times and have no problem doing it again…”-Woman

“Initially when I read it I thought the person had high standards that are unrealistic but then I realized it really does depend on the person. Everyone has their own belief system and thoughts on gender roles based on their experiences and culture. Which is ok. For me though, meeting a guy half way is not a bad thing. We meet when and where is best for both. Compromise is key.”-Woman

“I think that if both parties have vehicles and are willing to go half way it makes it convenient. I would expect it if the couple are in a relationship. I personally wouldn’t date somebody that lived far away unless she had a vehicle where I could go her way and she could come to my location as well – or of course meet half way. It’s difficult when you have to use your gas all the time and the driving can wear you down.”-Man

So, there you have it. Opinions from men and women. I hope this helps and sets you up to be a good dater in the future in regards to dating and distance!

If online dating is not for you, then you should check out what matchmaking is all about. Contact us today for a free consultation and let us find the great dates for you.

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