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10 Reasons You May Not Be Getting a 2nd Date

April 21, 2016

Men, 10 reasons you may not be getting a second date: Diagnosis and Treatment.  image1(1)

1. You’re being too serious.

Diagnosis: You aren’t smiling enough. You’re asking questions that make the date feel like a business interview. You are saying things like “do you want to work or be a stay at home mom?”

Treatment: Smile more, relax a little, and switch your focus from logistics and compatibility, to chemistry and having fun. Crack a joke, tell a funny story, flash a flirty smile, and ask questions like: “What’s your favorite place you’ve traveled to?” “If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?” “What do you love most about your life right now” focus on each-others interests and experiences, highlighting the positive things in life: the things you love. All that should matter right now is if you enjoy each other’s company or not.

2. You didn’t pick up the bill.

Diagnosis: The bill came and you didn’t budge to grab it. You let her pay or agreed to split the bill. Well, she did offer!

Treatment: Even if your date offers to pay, never take her up on it. She is offering to be polite and show appreciation. Women don’t want to come off like they are expecting to be paid for (although they are). There are many ways you can handle this. 1. Pay before she even sees the bill come to the table (winner!) 2. If she offers, politely decline and say I got it (end of discussion) 3. If she still insists, keep telling her, “no thank you and it’s my pleasure.” If you must, grab her credit card and hold onto it while you pay the bill. Hopefully she won’t put up a fight, but if she does, show her you’re game.

3. You were rude to the restaurant staff

Diagnosis: You sent back your meal. You rolled your eyes at the server. You didn’t leave a tip. You were condescending and talked to the staff like they were beneath you. You snapped your fingers to get someone’s attention.

Treatment: Be OVERLY nice to the restaurant staff or anyone serving you. Women are either really turned off or very much turned on by how you treat others. So, smile, say “please” and “thank you”, and if you want to take it a step further, compliment the restaurant on their service. You can even strike up a conversation with the valet attendant to really make sure she sees how friendly you are. Also, please leave a fair tip. Yep, the ladies are watching.

4. You were too touchy-feely

Diagnosis: You held her hands and looked deep into her eyes. You moved her chair closer to yours and gave her a back massage (yes, someone did this on a first date in the middle of a restaurant!). You gave her too long and too tight of a hug.

Treatment: A first date is NOT the time to be overly touchy. She could be really into you and then the moment you touch her too much, she gets creeped out. Please hold off on the touching until you guys are comfortable with each other and you know how she feels about PDA. Please read her signals, because a lot of women won’t speak up even if they are feeling uncomfortable with you touching them. There is nothing wrong with a quick shoulder pat, a hug goodbye, or even a kiss if you both are up for it. However, for a first date, hugging too long is creepy.  So is holding hands and looking into each others’ eyes. It is uncomfortable and a little intense…and a back massage in the middle of a restaurant is flat out mortifying. Keep it light and fun, read her signals, and be a respectful gentleman.

5. You were too quiet

Diagnosis: You didn’t ask enough questions about her and you didn’t share enough about yourself. You didn’t make any decisions about what to order or where to eat, and you didn’t take charge of the date.

Treatment: The number one most attractive quality women find in a man is CONFIDENCE (not to be confused with arrogance). You, as the man, are in charge of the date. So speak up, ask her more questions, share some of your own interests and experiences (key word: some), and take charge when it comes to restaurant choice or what to eat. Fake it till you make it. If you have a little social anxiety, think up a few first date questions and topics before you go into the date, so that you are prepared and not left lost for words. Be decisive, speak up, push yourself, and find things to laugh at together. Don’t worry if you say the wrong thing; it’s better than not saying anything at all. First date jitters and mishaps are normal, so don’t sweat it.

6. You talked about politics the whole time

Diagnosis: You talked about politics the whole time.

Treatment: Don’t do it!

7. You ordered water

Diagnosis: You took her out to get drinks or dinner or coffee, but you just ordered water!!! She thinks you’re cheap.

Treatment: Please don’t do this. It’s rude and embarrassing to sit at a restaurant and just order water. It also makes your date feel uncomfortable ordering anything at all or she feels like she should order less than she normally would. You do not have to order an alcoholic beverage if you don’t want one, but at least get a soda or an iced tea. And if you are out to eat, please eat! No one likes to eat alone or sit through the date hungry because you didn’t order any food. You set the tone for the date so order enough to make sure your date is comfortable. Ask her if she wants another drink and she is hungry or wants to order more. Remember, men, you are in charge of the date. She will follow your lead so lead her in the direction she wants to go. She will appreciate you anticipating her needs.

8. You ordered for her, and she didn’t like what you picked.

Diagnosis: You’re taking charge of the date, just like she wants, but you picked a restaurant she just ate at last night and ordered the quail eggs. (She doesn’t even eat quail eggs).

Treatment: When we say you are in charge of the date and make the decisions, we mean you make decisions you think SHE wants. Show consideration and romance her by choosing a restaurant that you think she would like and if she says she just ate there, pick a new restaurant. If you are splitting appetizers, you can order for the both of you, but have a conversation about it first. Ask her what she likes and suggest items you think she will want to eat. Make sure you are ordering something you know she will like.

9. You talked about yourself the whole time.

Diagnosis: You were so concerned about making sure she knew all about you and your accomplishments that you forgot to ask her about herself.

Treatment: Go into the date with the mindset that it is ALL about HER. Your intentions should be to get to know her and show interest in everything she has to say. ASK more than you TELL. Women want to talk about themselves, but they just want to be asked questions before they spill. It shows that you care, and that in itself, is flattering. Ideally, the question asking will be balanced, so you can both share, listen, react, and relate.

10. You didn’t dress up

Diagnosis: You showed up to the date in jeans and a t-shirt, tennis shoes and a hat, or your clothes were, oversized, wrinkled, dirty, smelly, out of style, or sloppy. (We’ve heard it all)

Treatment: Look presentable; it goes a long way. Women appreciate a man who takes pride in his hygiene and appearance. Dressing up and looking sharp shows her that you care and that you made an effort, and effort never gets old. So if you have no idea what to wear, opt for some dark, slim jeans and a well-fitting button up shirt. Nice shoes and a jacket really tie it together nicely. Shower, make sure your hair looks nice, and make sure your clothes are clean, because there is nothing sexy about the smell of dirty hair or musty need-to-laundered clothes.

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